Getting a late start this morning to go help my son unpack, I am (as usual) having a hard time getting the rest of my family over here to join me at Robert and Stephanie’s new home.
I’m melancholy about this big move twenty minutes away from my home and will really miss the luxury of having my son stop by on his way home to join us for dinner or walking my dog to their home for a visit.
I barely slept last night after mistakenly taking Milk of Magnesia and thinking it was Mylanta. Apparently my go-to favorite for heartburn has the exact same bottle as my husbands bottle for constipation? It was a mistake that I will never make again ya all.
Maryssa spent the night with me while Makenna joined Cindy to pick up Papa Steve Daniel last night at Ryder. Steve is a truck driver and since taking this job nearly a year ago after being laid off from Frachtec, Cindy or I have driven him to the yard and picked him up.
Today my husband will be giving Steve his Toyota Tundra which will really help their family out since Steve sometimes gets home from work at 1AM in the morning or leaves at 3AM to go back out on the road.My husband and I “swung by” Robert’s house yesterday on our way to run errands and found that he had been pretty busy with three friends breaking down beds and loading up the living room furniture into a box truck rental.
Moving is stressful for anyone but especially so for dogs or cats. A few days ago, one of my sons dogs ran away from home and I believe all the packing and moving boxes may have been the primary reason that Duck Hafele “made a run for it.” Luckily, my sister and I found her and brought her home.
The argument we had with my daughter in law the week before Duck went missing was “patched up” by finding her dog but we continue to walk on eggshells around her because she is quick tempered and opinionated when we “butt in” on her housekeeping.
When my niece Leigh Ann moved to California with her husband and baby Madyson, my sister and I were sad to see her latest granddaughter waving in the window of their Volkswagon Jetta that was so full of their belongings that I had to repack it.
The Navy had packed and moved everything from their home in Seattle to California when Leigh Ann came home to Texas pregnant with Madyson two years ago.
It’s hard to see your children move away and while you worry and fret about when you will see them again- you do (sometimes it’s sooner than you thought). Leigh Ann was in Seattle less than a year when she returned home.
All of our children think we are Meddling Mothers but the truth is that no matter how many times we disagree with each other- these birds return to their nest when there’s a problem or they need our help. They can’t seem to stay mad at Cindy or I for too long because they rely on our opinions far more than they would ever admit.
For Leigh Ann, being alone while Alex was on base after living at home with a houseful of family at my sisters house aka The Daniel Diva Diggs was simply too much for her. She had never been alone and so far from home. For the first time in her life- Leigh Ann recognized how much she actually missed us.
Cindys daughters often argue with one another and occasionally with my son but they are quick to move on and get over their petty squabbles since they have been raised together.
Stephaney’s new boyfriend and Leigh Ann aren’t getting along which adds some more drama over at Cindy’s house. The twins don’t like all of the attention my niece is paying to this guy and the way he has just showed up to horn in.
Trying to keep peace in my family with Stephaney and her new boyfriend has been a problem for three months now and it isn’t getting any better.
Ironically, Stephanie Hafele and Stephaney Mahaney have had a few hiccups in their relationship since my son married Stephanie. But, Stephanie Hafele has been standing up for Stephaney’s new boyfriend (none of us like) and accusing us of “ganging up to get rid of him” which is actually true.
Is it because my daughter in law believes that we tried to run her off? We will never know but she isn’t joining us in our efforts to run this guy off and neither is my son- they have decided to “stay out of it” as Cindy and I continue to search for information on someone who has no social media (that we can find) and no desire to “win over the parents.” Cindy and I have been googling Arthur for a month now.
I worry about this new boyfriend and the choices our children make but my observations are often not taken seriously even when Cindy backs me up.
Will my son like the new house? Is it too far from work? Will the larger yard create more work for him when he already works three jobs? I worry and wonder if this “upsizing” may prove too stressful in the long run. We can’t make decisions for our children and when we try- they rebel and choose their own path. I’m not “all on board” with my sons move so far away and into a much larger house than he needs. The extra bedroom is a planned nursery? My son has “held off” expanding their family for five years because he realizes the expense of having a child. But his wife loves the idea of having a baby regardless of the stress it will put on my son.
As Leigh Ann waits for Alex to be stationed somewhere new again, I’m sure that having the baby will provide her with the company she missed in Seattle but Cindy and I will (again) be forced to say goodbye to little Madyson who has been a bright spot of joy and fun for us.
Cindy wakes up every morning and goes into the guest room to grab Madyson and make her breakfast. Madyson wakes up happy and ready for fun so I know Cindy will really miss having a baby at home since the twins are now 12 and not cuddly. A kiss or a hug from our mini me twins is few and far between these days as they run off to study, draw, jump on the trampoline or play video games.
There will come a day when our twins head off to college and move that will REALLY be a loss for my sister who hasn’t had an empty nest for over 30 years. We both dread losing our twins to college and hope they choose to live at home but as many parents and grandparents know-children grow up and move. When they do our homes becomes quiet and lonely.
Raising children brings you a lot of joy and occasionally some sadness when your kids argue with you and finally when they pack up and move or disagree with your wisdom.
Moving is a circle of life and to have my son moving away is part of that circle but I will miss driving by my sons to check on him and seeing him several times a week and hope this move is good for his family and they settle in quickly.
I will remember that the luxury of seeing my family for weddings and events gives us time to be together and look forward to our next event as I plan a few days a week to go over and help unpack, hang curtains and organize my sons home. Are my visits welcomed by my daughter in law? Your guess is as good as mine.
While Leigh Ann was in Seattle and California, she often skyped and face timed us surrounded by unpacked boxes. We asked why she wasn’t unpacking and “feathering her nest.” My niece looked in the camera and told us her heart wasn’t in it. Her new Navy house didn’t feel like home. She had never “feathered a nest” and we now know that when she moves again we will need to go help her set up her house to make it a home.
I couldn’t wait to move away from home with my sister at 16 but we didn’t have a happy and loving home so we had nothing to miss. We never looked back and got by taking waitress jobs at restaurants.When we move we both spend the first few days unpacking everything and “feathering our nests.” If Cindy moves, I go to her house and help and when I move, she comes to mine. It’s something we’ve done forever to help each other so going to help my son unpack and set up isn’t that unusual although his wife may not agree with my ideas or input.
My son often tells me that I remind him of the mom from “Everyone Loves Raymond.”
Cindy’s daughter Stephaney met this guy while at Planet Fitness with us a few months ago which gave Cindy and I plenty to talk about as we moved and unpacked boxes today. While my niece may be “crazy about Arthur” we aren’t!
From “making out” on the sofa with my niece to French kissing in the hallway- this guy has no respect and no manners. I told my sister to put her foot down about it because she isn’t running a flop house over there and her grandchildren don’t need to be exposed to all of that stuff.
Stephaney brought her new boyfriend to my home for Thanksgiving. My husband (who was raised in the country club) expects guests in our home to introduce themselves and take their hats off. Respect and manners are my husbands middle name. If you are lacking in either department, don’t be surprised if he says something about it.
Arthur (38 years old) wore his hat backwards throughout the visit which really annoyed my husband. He also “made himself at home” and neglected to introduce himself as he snooped through our home and fell all over my niece kissing her in front of my family.
Matthew has decided that Arthur is classless and disrespectful so he used the opportunity of Cindy and I being at my son’s house unpacking to talk to Cindy’s husband, Steve about it. Steve is a country boy but listenned to my husband and his concerns about this guy carefully to get a better handle on the situation since Steve spends 6 days a week driving to pay the bills at their home. Steve hates conflict (probably because his home is full of it with two daughters and three granddaughters at home). After “talking about the situation” with Matthew, Steve Daniel has recognized the last thing they need is another mouth to feed or a deadbeat t their home falling all over Stephaney on their sofa and getting far too comfortable while Steve is out of town working.
With Arthur hanging around and eating at Cindy’s house or Stephaney’s restaurant- you can see how we are quickly getting sick of this guy hanging around.
We do not approve of this relationship because we both believe this guy is a bum who is moving way too fast and also tried to move himself into Cindy’s home which is already bursting at the seams! Where does he work? Where does he live? We have no answers to questions regarding this Don Juan who thinks he can just bust into our family.
Why is he trying to move in with my sister’s family? Doesn’t he know that all this PDA makes my sister and her family uncomfortable? Has he no respect or is he trying to mark his territory by behaving like a teenager making out in front of my sister? Who on earth would believe they can just move in without “running it by someone other than my niece?!”
It isn’t Stephaney’s house- it’s Cindy and Steve’s. Just because your adult children move home again doesn’t mean they are going to start making the rules.
Stephaney has a history of “choosing losers.” The father of her twins beat her up when he found out she was pregnant and tore the placenta. Cindy and I used the police report to prevent him ever having visitation. Every boyfriend she has ever had has taken advantage of her. But when we remind her of the past- she blows up on us about it.
My step daughter Ann was with Cindy and I yesterday so we explained to her about the red flags regarding Arthur. Ann is “on board” with us to have a plan and get rid of this guy. We are circling the wagons quickly because the birth of Madyson gave my niece and my daughter in law “baby fever!”
Everyone wants a baby without having the first clue regarding the expense of raising one.The more we complain about him dropping by Stephaney’s job (El Fenix) and having her (a waitress) pay for his lunch- the more she resents us. This guy brings nothing to the table! After reviewing his divorce papers, we also found he is behind on child support which was only $100 a month.
Due to this “new information” of unpaid child support, the idea of him marrying my niece and starting a family by trying to get her pregnant is the stupidest thing we’ve ever heard of. Who on earth meets someone and then immediately starts planning a family?
My sister can sum it up with a #Cindyism “You don’t order a steak and lobster when you can’t afford a hamburger and fries!”
I’m probably the most suspicious of this quick move to get married and start a family stuff but because we try to see the good in anyone, you can imagine my horror when someone who has known my niece a few short months wants my grandnieces to call him daddy. It will never happen on my watch.
There have been two men in the twins life since the day they were born and that’s my husband and Cindy’s husband who have provided whatever was needed for these twins so somebody just “showing up” and trying to take control or force themselves into the family or stir the chili is an unwelcome guest. Leigh Ann doesn’t like him either but my son thinks he’s a nice guy. The title of daddy is earned not assumed. Our husbands don’t expect the twins to call them daddy so this hobo is really overstepping his welcome. The twins have been raised by my twin and we have split the expense. Their real father is in prison for criminal non support (32k arrears at $200 a month for 12 years) he has never been a part of their lives and has no visitation due to his violent background.
Today Cindy told me that he asked my hardworking niece to buy him a new IPhone 7! We are working to shake off this leech who has finally figured out he won’t be shacking up at my sisters house.
We know nothing about him and don’t know how he’s charmed my niece so quickly. Stephaney thinks we are trying to ruin her relationship but we are actually trying to protect her and the twins from an apparent grifter who expects his girlfriend to support him.
After seeing her sister Leigh Ann married and my son, Stephaney has always wanted to have a husband but this isn’t Mr Right. Cindy and I wish she would have never met this guy but what can you do? Our kids never listen to dating advice from us.Being a mother in law and aunt who is concerned about my family isn’t always easy but I keep hanging in there trying to do my best…
Wendy M Wortham
Comments by Wendy Wortham