Boomerang Kids Bring The Drama & Don’t Even Realize It…

Yesterday was busy for me because I had to squeeze in gym time with my sister and head to an Appraisal Appointment in Parker County as well as meeting a client at WorthamWorld to discuss her upcoming wedding in April at a Texas Prison.  Even I will admit that we have a few really “odd” requests now and then.  Years after starting a low cost wedding and events business, I’ve had a few creative requests that caught me off guard but I am fairly open minded.

When your family members argue with each other all the time and work with you at events- things can get far more complicated!  No one on my team is allowed to argue at an event and they know how “carrying over” personal problems will be viewed by me and our clients.  When I say “smiles everyone!” I’m being serious.

Adult children moving home “stir the chili” and you may find yourself wondering why children who were raised together can’t bond as adults or move out.  Part of the problem is that spoiled children become narcisstic adults and bring laziness (along with all their stuff) home with them when they return to the nest! 

Trying to “force” our children to stop arguing with each other is impossible for both Cindy and I although she “cracks the whip” on occasion when everyone in her house thinks they are in charge.

Are Boomerang Kids the result of overparenting?  Well, maybe but helicopter parenting & snow plow parenting are often the basis for Boomerang kids.  

Cindy overcompensated because of our childhood by trying to be the mother she had never had.  I’m guilty of this myself but insisted my son clean up after himself because I refused to do everything myself as a single parent.  Cooking and cleaning were a “team effort” with my son and I.  

Cindy found it easier to do everything herself rather than argue with her daughters.  Forcing children to help out these days is far harder than it was when we were growing up because “back then” no one questioned an adult telling you what to do or how to act.

My sisters adult daughters moving home surprised both of us especially since she’s been raising her twin granddaughters for 12 years.  While her husband continues to ponder if they will ever have an empty nest, Cindy and I attempt to keep the peace with adult children who can’t understand what peace is.

Cindy wrote her own blog about squatters and how she had spent most of her life taking care of others while playing a referee-Cindy Daniel’s Life Taking Care Of Everyone Except Herself.  The truth is that Cindy is far more easygoing than I am and after our grandmother moved herself into Cindy’s home- she had a helluva time moving her out or convincing her that she didn’t need the master bedroom when Cindy was paying all of the bills. 

It would take years to convince my sister that my grandmother was abusing her generosity.  Frankly, with her sense of humor and flair for storytelling, my twin should write a book about plans for an empty nest that may never come true! 

Why do our children have to compete all the time?  Your guess is as good as mine but Leigh Ann’s husband gets along with everyone far better than my daughter in law and perhaps it’s because he makes a better effort.  

Stephaney’s boyfriend makes no effort at all to get along with Leigh Ann and since Leigh Ann and Stephaney both live with each other at Cindy’s house, visits from Arthur can cause more arguing.

My son and both of my nieces all argue now that he’s married because he puts his wife first instead of his cousins.  I think it’s “safe to say” that since marrying Stephanie, my son considers himself to be far more independent since he would never move home because “he’s an adult.”  

My son and his wife did move home once but it was due to a house fire and only lived with us until the insurance came through.  I believe that both of my nieces resent the fact that my son and his wife are always together these days and their close relationship with my son was disrupted.  

His wife is “not to keen” on kissing up to his cousins.  Stephanie Hafele considers herself a Queen and my nieces have taken turns trying to accept her as part of our family although being an only child raised by her grandmother often makes my daughter in law far more selfish than my son and nieces who were raised together.  

Five years after their wedding, it’s not unusual for at least one of my family members to “be on the outs” with my daughter in law and occasionally its me.  Our “ideas” about housekeeping and homemaking are completely different!  But (like everyone else in my family) getting along with Stephanie can be challenging on occasion.

 

What is a Boomerang Kid?  Believe it or not 40% of adult children are moving home and not pulling their weight OR paying rent.  Post parenting puts a lot of stress on adult middle aged parents who were looking forward to retirement and suddenly find themselves supporting their children “all over again!” The phenomenon of Boomerang Kids and stress they bring to a household isn’t limited to my sisters house.  Adult children who move home with no plans to leave often think they don’t need to follow house rules or help with cleaning or even contribute to grocery shopping expenses, electricity or cable.

Our baby brother, Jerry Lee has three generations of family living under one roof at his home in North Carolina.  My sister and brother are far easier to live with than I am because my house had ruled and because I’m OCD.  I guess that’s why the only time my son moved home was when his home nearly burned to the ground from an electrical fire.

My sister has spent her entire life caring for others.  For over 17 years our grandmother was a demanding squatter at my sisters home and one day, my sister “snapped” while trying to raise her children, be a good wife and make my grandmother happy.  

Cindy decided that never being allowed to watch a show on her tv or make any decisions without sarcastic comments from our grandmother would never end unless my sister found her an apartment and moved her out-which we did and should’ve done sooner!  

Out of all of the people in the world who deserve an empty nest, my sister deserves it the most.  Taking on the responsibility of raising her twin granddaughters was a joint decision to give them the life and stability that we never had ourselves but adult children moving home with no plans to leave can bring true chaos. 

Our favorite thing to do is spend time with each other so creating a business that gives us the opportunity was one of the smartest things that I’ve ever done to get her out of the house and more importantly–away from the drama!  We have fun together and really enjoy spending time together as a TwinTeam.

 My weekday schedule often revolves around refurbishing trades and listing items along with traveling to Appraisal Appointments with my sister and meeting clients.  We both “squeeze in” 3-5 days a week at Planet Fitness on our weight loss journey while juggling clients, kids & peacemaking efforts at Cindy’s house.  Weekends are booked months in advance for events and activities with our Little Pawners and our husbands sometimes babysit and entertain the kids while we are busy at events without older children.  As you can guess, Cindy and I wouldn’t know what a day off was on our schedules with housekeeping and fundraising, vet appointments and school activities with the twins “rounding out our schedules.” 

Cindy and I often pick up the twins together after the gym but occasionally I run home to finish a furniture project or meet a client at my home office.  I love Spring and planting flowers while my sister thinks buying silk flowers and skipping all the work is a better option.  We are compensating personality or “mirror” twins and so our my twin grandnieces. 

I’m the “fancy twin” while my sister considers herself a hillbilly or Tomboy who hates to dress up.  Maryssa loves make up and Makenna hates it.  Compensating personality twin look alike but have completely different mannerisms.

  
My sister and I are almost always together during the week so we both put our heads together on problem solving especially when it involves family arguments! 
 

Normally, I pick up the twins with Cindy at Austin Elementary but had to be back in Fort Worth by 2:30 to meet my client so Cindy picked them up instead since both twins complain when her adult daughter Leigh Ann picks them up. Also, Leigh Ann’s VW Jetta is rather cramped because the twins are so tall and Makenna is on crutches after a wipe out on their beloved trampoline. 

Makenna loves nothing more than to run home and get on her trampoline after school so the next three weeks will be hard on her. My niece is a shopaholic who buys things one day and returns them the next and the twins want to go home and not on another “return adventure” with Leigh Ann.  My grandnieces hate doing daily returns with Leigh Ann because they’ve inadvertently become “built in babysitters.” 

 Madyson is at an age now where she hates to wait in the car with anyone from my twin sister to the little twins because she wants to go, go, go now that she is walking.  Keeping her entertained and out of trouble these days isn’t as easy as it was before she was walking.

 Latest Little Pawner Madyson loves them to death but I’ve argued over and over that they are 12 and should not be stuck with Leigh Ann doing returns everyday after school to babysit.
 
It would be easier on everyone if Leigh Ann would leave Madyson at home with Cindy or at my house but my niece is a helicopter mother.
Why my niece shops to return confuses our entire family.  

We have never understood why anyone would buy something and return it over and over.  It’s not unusual to see Leigh Ann wearing something with the tags still on because she hasn’t decided whether to keep it or not.

Back at my home office, I discussed the application process with the Texas State Prison System with my client and explained that I had already filled out the forms and returned them.  

My client had requested bids from several officiants on Gig Salad and (no surprise) been rejected by several due to the location and recieved “high bids” of $450-700 to officiate.  After learning that it would be a biracial wedding at a prison–even the high bidders had backed out!  

I agreed to officiate and go through the stringent background check along with loaning her a dress so I had set several out for her to try on including my own wedding dress. 

Loaning clothing surprises a lot of my clients but I also loan bouquets, boutenniers, champagne glasses, cake stands and more.

Sadly, none of the gowns I had set out would fit including a gown that had been bartered by the Bowman Family a few months ago.  

However, I did find a lace top and she can look for a long skirt to coordinate.  

I asked how anyone could find love with a prisoner since I’m a little confused as to why people marry someone who’s been confined and was told that although her family didn’t approve-she loved him and hoped to make a life together upon his release.

I get a lot of flack from folks who don’t understand why I help anyone  when they come to me for an event.  From LBGTQ weddings to Wiccan Weddings and now prison weddings-my passion to “get past” the conditions of the couple have been challenging for others to accept but I do not discriminate and never will.

Last night while Skyping with a production company “who had heard I now do prison weddings” and explaining why we are different than other vendors, my sister called regarding an argument the twins had at school and (as usual) her adult daughter was jumping in on it and only making matters worse.  My sister often “prays for peace” at her home but rarely finds it.

Boomerang kids think they run the household because they are adults.  But the truth is-they often forget who’s house it is!  My twin sister has both her adult daughters (who fight constantly) under one roof along with all three of her granddaughters.  

This “mix” has so and so arguing with so and so all the time which prevents my sister from having one minute of peace at her own home.  Cindy loves her children and grandchildren but like anyone, she wishes everyone would stop fighting and get along.

I drove back to Weatherford last night to pick up the twins and try to calm things down but Leigh Ann had to continue arguing that I play favorites with Maryssa and Makenna.  I don’t but they are children and if my nieces can’t understand that they aren’t running the show, then I have to remind them that the twins live there and they are only visiting!   

Taking the twins home with me on weekends gives everyone a break and we enjoy having the kids in our “empty nest” home. 

 Adult children moving home upset the entire dynamics for everyone else.  Believe it or not- I think Cindy’s daughters are jealous of her grand daughters based on many of the ongoing arguments.

Leigh Ann and Stephaney think we favor the twins over them and we do because they are children and our focus is on raising the children-not the adults.  We put our time in raising them and it’s time for them to go raise themselves. 

 How do you get adult children who aren’t paying rent to move?  It isn’t easy because the convenience of living at home while saving money can easily make squatters out of them. 

Don’t get me wrong- we love our adult children but putting the grandchildren first is a priority and since Leigh Ann is married and moved home with her baby several months ago, we find ourselves wondering when and if she plans to move back with her husband.

Meanwhile, Stephaney plans to marry Arthur and the twins don’t like him at all which continues to be a problem.

The fact that Leigh Ann and her sister Stephaney have never gotten along with one another breaks my heart.  Apparently, trying to convince them to get along is something I’ve yet to be successful at. 

 We grew up with our cousins and have had a close relationship our entire lives.  How do you convince your adult children the value of having a close family bond? 

It’s something that we continue to try and reinforce because let’s face it, Cindy and I won’t be here forever trying to force everyone to get along.

I’ve watched from the sidelines as the drama unfolds and feel helpless to fix it from my home and decided to bring Maryssa home with me but when she goes back, I’m certain something else will come up over there.

Too many people in one house that don’t get along is a potion for disaster and I’m hoping that when Stephaney or Leigh Ann finally do decide to move out that things will improve but can only hope for the best…

Wendy M Wortham