It is a sad commentary on our society that divorce has become such a common situation and that a divorce ceremony has become very popular these days. It does, however, provide an important function of closing the door and moving on.
Being “Pronounced Divorced” has a similar effect psychological effect as being “Pronounced Married.” Both pronouncements connote a change in legal status and, more importantly, they connote a change in an emotional agreement.
A divorce ceremony enables us to make the change more smoothly, allowing the participants to forgive past mistakes- both their own and their former partner’s- share their feelings, perhaps remembering some of the good things which brought them together originally, and it gives them a starting point, from which to begin their lives anew.
The Divorce Ceremony Introductiom:
“As we begin, let us take a moment to calm our hearts and our minds. The ending of a relationship can be very painful. It may feel as if you have failed at love, or leave you with emotional scars that, if you choose can effect the truth of who you are and who you were created to be. Make a conscious choice to heal these emotions here and now. Love lasts forever, never forget that! The love that you shared with each other has great value, it is something to treasure and bless. It has served a great purpose in your lives, and it will remain a part of who you are for the rest of your days. No matter where you go or with whom you may choose to share your heart in the future, you have added to the beauty and depth of who you are and, hopefully, have become a better person because of that love.”
As time passes, you will find that your resentments and opinions will shift and change as you shift and change in the days ahead. This is the wonderous healing nature of time.
If children are involved in a divorce: Please remember that they too have been affected by the dissolution of a marriage and are going through a sense of loss as well. Be certain to reinforce that the divorce has nothing to do with them and that the divorce is entirely based on the parents.
In life, we face risk. In each day, chance is a factor. We suffer at the hands of others. So too we are enthralled because of them. Blessing the divorcee can be incorporated into a ritual of liberation and often helps to gain closure.
As I Annoint, I say “As I touch your head with oil, KNOW that every skill you will ever need can be accessed here. As I touch your hands with oil, FEEL the joy of independence; savor it, experience glee because of it, sense the limitless potential. Your heart is still beating. Strong. It is healthy and vibrant and functioning. It is safe.”
Sometimes in life we need closure when entering a new chapter in our lives. Funerals are a symbol of saying goodbye to friends and family we have loved and lost. We remember the funny stories and memories we’ve shared and we mourn the loss we’ve suffered.
Divorces are like death- they are final and the war of a divorce proceeding is a painful process for anyone. Years ago, I declined to coordinate a Divorce Party because at the time, the idea depresses me as I had married the couple hoping that when they had spent a lifetime together that their withered hands “would still be reaching for each other.” Realizing that their union was short lived- I begged off celebrating the divorce and mourning the loss of the marriage. Over time I’ve accepted that “divorce happens” and while it is a sad and tragic ending to what was once such a happy and festive Life Event, closure is needed to move on.
In fact, I officiated the wedding two years after the divorce and the couple had remarried after nearly two years of being divorced. Marriage isn’t “easy.” It requires work and commitment from both parties and it is a continuing “learning curve” of habits and rituals. Inlaws and Outlaws often fuel arguments by taking sides and throwing their two cents in.
The best thing any friend can do when their friend is struggling through a divorce is to be there to listen and, if necessary, to help plan a party and celebrate the end of a marriage.
Black and white are a very good combination of colors for a divorce party although I’ve even seen a rainbow theme with unicorns that was cheerful and fun.
Don’t limit yourself to thinking “inside the box.” Knowing the likes or hobbies of the divorce will help bring everything together.
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Comments by Wendy Wortham