My twin sister Cindy is the GingerTwin, she has a sarcastic one liner about everything and anything under the sun ya all.  You see, throughout our lives, Cindy has laughed in order to keep from crying. As far back as I can remember, everyone has told me we should write a book and, we plan to when we can find the time. 

Follow our crazy adventures and meet the families who’ve benefitted from Dream Events and laughed along with us while we dealt with unexpected pitfalls, brides behaving badly and other “incidents.”  The comedy never ends with two sets of twins ya all! 

 “You might be expecting a LIZARD but I CAN show you a GATOR!”  I own my own creative content “lock, stock and barrel.” My twin sister and I are “Tighter than a BRICK WALL or ROAD” (we are close). My journey to create a unique way for families who otherwise could not afford a beautiful event or ceremony was challenging and sometimes comical. 

Failure has never been an option that either I or my sister have entertained. We are experienced appraisers which is how Texas Twins Treasures was “key” to flipping trades for us. If you barter, you need an outlet to seek items.  I’m the “serious” one, I’m the one who isn’t laughing unless it’s the result of something my sister says or does.  Texas Twins Events is the sister site of The Pawning Planners and provides a list of our services, this site considers trades submitted by clicking the link on the home page to submit a trade and your unique story of why you desire a Dream Event.   For others who assume that the creative content published on the Internet is “free” to copy, redistribute, merchandise or in any shape form or fashion duplicate, please review my Legal Department Web Pages as all intellectual property for Pawning Planners, Texas Twins Events, Travels of the Texas Twins and the Little Pawners are protected by BOTH Trademark and Copyright by me.  Redistribution of Intellectual Property without written consent by Wendy M Wortham is STRICTLY PROHIBITED.  

“My sister Wendy is smart and its best you know that even a dead bee can sting!”  My journey has never been boring and with my sometimes cynical sister- it’s usually funny too.

 “If you are LOUDER than a MARCHING BAND in a PARADE, don’t expect me to WALK with you.” 

“This isn’t a RESTAURANT, I am not your WAITRESS, so stop giving me your ORDER.”

“Just because you step in OLD $HIT, doesn’t mean it still WONT stink”

“I am more CONFUSED than a BUFFALO standing in ASTROTURF”

“Don’t come to MY amusement park during the HOLIDAYS, unless you bought a SEASON pass”

“The PRETTIEST tree in the ORCHARD can have the most TWISTED roots”

“Don’t give ADVICE on building a FENCE, unless you bring your OWN post hole DIGGER”

“Even a BLIND fox can FIND the HEN house”

“You ADVICE is as UNWANTED as a PIRANHA at a POOL party”

“If you ain’t mowing the grass- get out of my yard!”

“You can’t profit from the harvest if you don’t plant the crops.”

“Since WHEN did the FREAKS start RUNNING the FUN house”

“Grandma knows where her HUSBAND is at ALL times, she’s a WIDOW”

“Don’t “INVITE” me to DINNER and then EXPECT me to COOK”

“Don’t tell me my ROSES stink, if you have NEVER been to my GARDEN” 

“Busier than a SURFER during TSUNAMI”

“Don’t ask to BORROW an APPLE and EXPECT me to BAKE you a PIE”

“She’s a few LETTERS short of the ALPHABET”

“My name ISNT customer SERVICE so please STOP giving me your COMPLAINTS”

“Can’t tell QUICK SAND from CONCRETE” (city folk)

“That guy could start a FIGHT with a CONCRETE statue”(trouble maker)

“She can start a FIGHT in an EMPTY bar” 

“He’s a few WORDS shy of a DICTIONARY” (they are both crazy)

“Some folks are so LUCKY if it was their EXECUTION day, there would be a STATE wide POWER outtage”

“Don’t tell me how to SEW if you CANT even thread a NEEDLE”

“Don’t tell me HOW to COOK if you ONLY own a MICROWAVE”


Our Darling Little Pawners, Maryssa and Makenna Mahaney have been actively involved in weddings and events as ring bearers and flower girls for four years and have a few fairly funny observations of their own.  Listening to Cindy and I along with our “old men” the Tiny Texas Twins are fairly “quick witted!” Funny and opinionated, the Little Pawners are “two of a kind.”  They have their own “Little Pawner Sayings.”

“Don’t invite yourself on my CARAVAN, unless you bring your own CAR.”

“She CANT tell the DIFFERENCE between a LADLE and a SPOON” (she can’t cook)

“I ain’t your MECHANIC so don’t expect me to put you on a lift and KISS your AXLE.”

“She’s like TEXAS weather, her ATTITUDE goes from BAD to WORSE daily.”

“My LIGHTER may be SHORT on BUTANE, but I STILL have plenty of SPARK left”

“Just because I am milking the COW doesn’t mean I OWN the DAIRY” (I ain’t the boss) Wendy Wortham is the boss and, she “makes the rules.”

“That guys more STICKY than FLY paper” (he’s clingy)

“TWO fingers of WHISKEY can get YOU into a FIVE finger FIGHT.”

“All FARM and NO HARVEST” (liar)


“Just because I am PLOWING the FIELD doesn’t mean I OWN the FARM.”

“I didn’t INVITE you to HANG your LAUNDRY on my CLOTHES line.”

“That guy talked so MUCH my APPLES done turned to CIDER.”

“Don’t PAY for a SINGER and expect a BAND” (you could also use choir)

“Just because you OWN a LAWN mower doesn’t make YOU my GARDNER.”

“I FEEL like I FELL off the TRACTOR and got RAN over by the PLOW!”

“Don’t throw TRASH over my FENCE when YOU are LIVING at the DUMP” (hypocrite)

“Don’t tell ME how to PAINT my FENCE, when you ain’t even in the YARD.”

“Squirrels DINNER” (nuts)

“Squirrels BUFFET” (mixed nuts)

“Don’t criticize the PARTY if you showed up without an INVITATION or a GIFT.”

“They are a few WHEELS short of a DOOLEY!”

“I don’t remember KICKING a CHAIR out for YOU at my TABLE”(butt out)

“She’s as QUICK as SCHOOL yard GOSSIP” (she’s smart)

“Ok if you WERENT committed, WHO invited you to my NUT house.”

“Please don’t FEED your HORSES at my TROUGH” (moocher)

“They have the SMARTS of a DIRT road, and with TEXAS winds, the BETTER part BLEW away.”

“That guy HANGS out more than GRANDMAS stockings” (he’s lazy).

“Her LASSO is wound so TIGHT, it’s done turned into a HANGMANS noose.”

“Some folks are a few CHAPTERS shy of a NOVEL.” 

 “My CIRCUS has enough CLOWNS, close the TENT please.”

“I don’t NEED any more FREAKS in my FUN house.”

“Just so you KNOW there is admission price, to VISIT my ZOO.”

“Busier than the PASADENA town FLORIST during the ROSE parade.”

“If you want to enter this CIRCUS, you need a TICKET.”

“This isn’t a RESERVATION and I ain’t a WOODEN INDIAN, so don’t expect me to stand STILL for your WAR DANCE.”

“Don’t come through MY front DOOR, if you are too GOOD to sweep the PORCH.”

“Not my LUGGAGE and it ain’t my TRIP.”

“Pack some BAGS, they are sending us on a GUILT trip.”

“You can’t jump a BARBWIRE fence and EXPECT not to get CUT.”

“Don’t tell me how to DIG a DITCH, unless you brought your own SHOVEL.” 

 “Don’t come around to reap the HARVEST if you weren’t there to plant the CROP.”

“Unless you are MY BEAUTICIAN, get out of my HAIR.”

“If you ain’t COOKING get out of my KITCHEN.”

“Don’t ask to BORROW some EGGS and then expect me to make you an OMELETTE.”

“Just because YOU had SHOTGUN shells with BREAKFAST doesnt give you PERMISSION to SHOOT your MOUTH off at ME!”

“A real HILLBILLY has the sense not to SLAP a cowboys face, with a wad of chewing TOBACCO in his MOUTH.”

“Just because I own a CHICKEN doesn’t mean my EGGS are FREE to you.”

“If you ain’t gonna help me PLOW the FIELD, get off the FARM.”

“That guy is a few FRUIT trees SHORT of an ORCHARD.”

“If you ain’t milking a COW, get out of my DAIRY.”

“Some folks are a few QUARTS shy of an OIL change.”

“Don’t judge a CROPS field by the DIRT, because if you add water and FERTILIZER, it could reap a great HARVEST.”

“Don’t tell me how to PLAY if you ain’t even in the GAME.”

“You can’t LEAD a CHUCK WAGON if you DONT know how to COOK.”

“You CANT the TRAIL boss if you DONT know how to RIDE.”

“Happier than a RACCOON in a HEN house”

“Don’t expect me to make GRAVY out of WATER.”

“They have SMOKE coming from the CHIMNEY, but no WOOD in the FIREPLACE” (crazy).

“Some folks ain’t worth the SALT it would take to JERKY them.”

“Don’t come to my house UNINVITED and EXPECT to LEAD in the Sunday dinner PRAYER.”

“If you want the HONEY from the HIVE, then don’t complain about the STINGS.”

“If you ain’t DRIVING my CAR, get out of my GARAGE.”

“Don’t ask to BORROW a cup of FLOUR and EXPECT me to bake you a CAKE.”

“She’s so CROOKED, she could EAT NAILS and have SCREWS come out the other END.”

“That’s guys TIGHTER than my CORSET” (cheap).”

“If you ain’t my MECHANIC, don’t try to get UNDER my HOOD.”

“Unless you BOUGHT the GROCERIES, don’t complain about the FOOD in the FRIDGE.”

“Don’t make me nickname you BLISTER because you ONLY show up when the WORK is DONE.”

You see, Cindy looks at life through a comedy gold microscope and keeps the laughs coming on all of our adventures. 

 My twin began “creating” her iconic one liner #Cindyisms years ago every time she became disgusted with someone or something mainly because the “truth hurts” but, it’s accurate! Cindy Daniel has a big personality to match her hilarious and witty one liners.   My twin sister often refers to herself as a Hillbilly since marrying her husband years ago.  Steve Daniel has some fairly unique and descriptive “one liners” himself as does my husband Matthew Wortham. 

Often, my family can communicate without speaking to each other with facial expressions alone and I do this exceptionally well to give my family a “heads up” on many “incidents” or, “situations.”  

 Our darling Little Pawners, Maryssa and Makenna Mahaney have now started to mimic several expressions they’ve overheard and the results are pretty hilarious, mainly because a few components are often absent in the sentence. 

 Example:  “That cashier was saltier than a pretzel from the Dollar Tree.”  Definition:  Pretzels from the Dollar Tree are often stale and/or out of date.

My family keeps me laughing through many of our hilarious adventures, pitfalls and pit stops along our unique journey from weddings to funerals and everything in between!

 We are often contacted to request permission to reprint or redistribute #Cindyisms on tshirts, coffee cups and other merchandise. 

“Don’t try to HITCH your HORSES to my WAGON” (moocher).

“Sometime the UGLIEST tree in the ORCHARD can bear the SWEETEST fruit.”

“Don’t tell me how to HUNT, if you don’t even OWN a GUN.”

“I may not be the SHARPEST pair of SCISSORS in the sewing box, but even RUSTY, I can still CUT.”

“If you DONT have my KEYS, then get out of the DRIVERS seat”

“Don’t put me under a MICROSCOPE unless you CLEAN the GLASS first.”

“Unless you are FEEDING the animals, stay out of my BARN”

“Unless you are my MECHANIC, get out of my GARAGE.”

“If you want to JOIN my PICNIC, pack your own BASKET”

“If you jump in my BOAT, bring your own FISHING POLE and BAIT.”

Laughing so hard I’m crying on occasion- I’m off to prepare flowers for a wedding and dreading another hot day in Fort Worth, Texas but I’m certain my cynical sidekick Cindy will come up with something saucy to keep the laughs coming!

Wendy M Wortham